Never Have I Ever
by scubysnak
Summary: Being married to Casey turned out to be everything she feared and nothing she had hoped for. What will life hold for her now that she's returned to Boston? Where does Maura fit in Jane's post-Casey life? Eventual Rizzles
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I have no right to the characters.

**A/N:** I've written quite a bit for SVU and CSI, so this is a bit beyond my usual comfort zone. I grew a little weary of all the stories that have Maura suddenly confessing her love for Jane after Casey's proposal and thought since I was being so critical of others, I should put my money where my criticisms are. Here goes...

There, standing on the stoop outside her home, was the woman who had occupied what seemed like every waking thought for the last two years. A flood of memories penetrated her. In the split second it took for the question to form and for her to ask it, her senses were overloaded with memories. The two of them jogging. The two of them standing over a dead body. The two of them at the Dirty Robber. The smell of her after that jog. The way she looked when she her hair was still dripping and her skin was water-kissed from a shower. The throaty sultriness of her voice after a few drinks. The feel of her soft skin as they cuddled, as all best friends do, on the couch. The way her body felt when it was tightly pressed against her own in an embrace.

One long look at the blonde before her and the self-assured grin Jane wore quickly faded. She straightened herself, no longer leaning against one of the posts on the porch. Her hands found her pockets and dug deep in them. This was not the look she thought she would receive when she knocked on the door. Her shoulders slouched and her eyes dropped as she shifted her weight nervously from one foot to the other.

The shock of having Jane show up at her home after nearly two years was overwhelming Maura Isles. She was trying to take it all in and tamp it down, but the hurt and disappointment she'd bottled up for two years (748 days to be exact) escaped her before she'd been able to reign it in.

"What are you doing here?"

She hadn't expected her voice to be laced with as much venom and vitriol as she heard when she spoke. It was there though and it cut through Jane easily. Maura saw Jane's mask of bravado slip even further.

Maura studied Jane, waiting for an answer. The air hung thick with loss, betrayal, and missed opportunities. Maura spoke again, breaking the silence. Letting a smile relax her features, she reached out and threaded her fingers through Jane's hair. "You cut your hair? Angela is going to have a myocardial infarction."

Jane's hand absently went up and touched her hair as well. "It was time for a change."

Maura pulled her robe tighter around her and glanced back over her shoulder before looking back at Jane and tilting her head to study her more. "You purchase a new purse or add an expensive tailored blazer to your wardrobe when you want a change." She paused and locked eyes with Jane. "You don't chop off your hair. I suppose you've modified your body in other ways as well seeking your desired change."

Jane frowned and straightened herself, sighing heavily. "A lot has changed, Maur."

Maura turned and pulled the door shut behind her before slipping her arms under Jane's leather jacket and around her waist. She inhaled deeply. It was not lost on her how differently Jane smelled or that she no longer felt like the Jane from her memory. "I haven't seen you in two years. I haven't spoken to you in, what, more than ten months? Jane, why are you here?" Maura heard heavy footsteps falling on the stairs from within the house and pulled back from Jane. She wanted answers, but they'd have to wait.

"I want to know everything that's happened in the last two year, but not now." She stepped backwards, opening the door and slipping back inside. "My number hasn't changed. Call me later. We'll have dinner and catch up."

Maura pushed the door shut just as a voice called her name from deep within the house. Jane's face scrunched up in curiosity, or was it in panged recognition? _No_, she thought to herself, _it can't be._

Jane stepped toward the door and raised her fist to knock. Then, through the glass, she saw him and her heart immediately sank and a fire simultaneously erupted within her. She stood watching for a moment as Maura approached him, pushing herself onto her tiptoes and brushing a kiss against his cheek.

Jane turned her back, steeled her nerves, and walked away.

She had already found a booth and was on her third beer when Maura sat down opposite her, a nervous smile plastered across her face.

Jane took another swallow from her beer and sat her empty bottle down on the table between them with one hand and waved the waitress down with the other.

"Are you still a red wine gal or have your tastes evolved, too?" Jane asked pointedly.

Before Maura could offer a response, the waitress was beside them. "I'll have another of these," Jane picked up an empty bottle and tilted it toward the waitress with a smirk. "And she'll have -"

Jane was cut off by the waitress, "The usual, Maura?"

Maura merely nodded before turning back to Jane. "I frequent this establishment," she smiled softly at Jane, "which is why I thought you might like it." She and Jane were each looking around the bar, avoiding eye contact. "It's not the Dirty Robber, but it's comfortable."

"A Jack and Coke for you," the waitress sat the drink down in front of Maura, "And a Blue Moon for you."

Jane's hands immediately folded around the beer bottle and that's exactly where Maura's eyes fell.

"Jane," she paused, "where's your wedding band?"

For her part, Jane drew her hands back and into her lap, but not before Maura noticed the flash of color on the inside of her wrist. "And what was that? Jane, do you have a tattoo?"

The brunette sighed heavily. A lot had changed for Jane. Only two years earlier she had left Boston to follow Casey to California after a quick elopement. Marriage had not been what she had hoped it would be. In fact, it turned out to be everything she had feared it would be.

She didn't want to dwell on what had happened in her life over the last two years. Instead, she wanted to focus on getting Maura to admit to what she had witnessed that morning.

"Let's play a little game, Maur." The huskiness that was always there when she spoke rushed over Maura in waves.

"What did you have in mind?" Maura nursed her drink slowly. The last thing she wanted to do was compromise her ability to think clearly when it came to Jane.

"I was thinking 'Never Have I Ever'. We take turns making a statement and we do a shot if we have, in fact, done what we say we have never done. Make sense?"

Maura thought for a moment, "So, I make a negative statement and if it should have been made in the affirmative, then I will drink. Correct?"

Jane nodded before chugging her beer down and sliding from the booth. A few minutes later, she turned with a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses She sank back into the booth and filled both shot glasses before sliding one to Maura.

"I'll start," Jane took a deep breath. "Never have I ever...been in love."

Both women smiled, lifted their shot glasses, and threw them back. Jane winced and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

Maura clapped her hands with glee as Jane filled the glasses again. "My turn," she closed her eyes and thought for a moment. "Okay. Never have I ever been inked." She giggled as she used the colloquial expression she had learned on a television program she had once viewed for purely educational purposes.

Jane lifted her glass and signed as the tequila warmed its way down her throat. She put the glass down a little too heavily, the effects of the beers and succession of shots already being felt. She flinched when Maura's fingers touched her wrist. When they didn't leave her flesh she acquiesced and allowed Maura to pull her hand toward the center of the table. Although the lights were low, Maura could make out every single detail of the delicate tattoo. Her eyes moved up Jane's arm and to her face, where instead of looking into dark eyes, she found Jane's eyes closed and her face emotionless. She withdrew her fingers and cleared her throat, hoping to bring Jane's attention back to the present.

"I think I recognize-"

"Let's keep playing the game." Jane had cut her off. "It's my turn. And I have a good one. Never have I ever been arrested." She smirked as she watched the blonde lift the glass and tilt it back, the clear liquid cascading down her throat.

"That's not fair, Jane. You know I was wrongly accused," Maura pouted. Jane only shrugged the comment off.

"If that's how you want to play, fine! Never have I ever," Maura paused and thought quickly of something to sting Jane, "abandoned my best friend by not calling or emailing for almost a year."

Jane angrily took a shot before quickly firing back. "There was a lot going on, Maur. Things I didn't understand and things I couldn't-still can't-talk about." She looked off in the distance trying to keep her anger at bay. Her voice softened, the edge now gone. "Don't you think I missed you? Don't you think I thought about you every day and wondered what was going on in your life-if you were happy-if you had found..." Jane's voice trailed off as Maura's gaze dropped to her full shot glass. Her mind drifted to earlier that morning.

To the voice that was still echoing in her head. To the sight of Maura kissing him. Him. HIM. The edge was back again and her blood boiled.

"Never have I ever," she thought about what she was about to say and how it would impact what was left of their friendship, "fucked my best friend's brother."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I have no right to the characters.

"Never have I ever," she thought about what she was about to say and how it would impact what was left of their friendship, "fucked my best friend's brother."

Maura's eyes slowly moved up and connected with Jane's. They held each other's gaze, neither moving nor looking away.

"Well, since we both know that my only biological brother is dead, I can only assume your statement is meant to imply that at some point I indulged in a tryst with either Tommy or Frankie."

"I'm not stupid, Maur. And I'm definitely not blind or deaf. I know what I saw and heard this morning at your place. You were in such a rush to get me out of there...before I," Jane picked up her shot and quickly downed it. "I've been so stupid. And Ma must not know what's going on or she would have told me. I mean, I know why he didn't. He knows how I -"

Maura promptly stood, gathering her purse and sweater. "A lot may have changed in your life, Jane, but some things about you obviously haven't. You still jump to conclusions and make assumptions about things for which you do not have all of the evidence. For all the things about you that I admire and love, those two things alone almost—ALMOST- negate everything else." Maura turned on her heel to leave. She walked slowly but deliberately and with a purpose to the bar. She was waiting for the bartender to hand her the receipt when Jane's hand finally landed on the small of her back.

"Don't leave." Jane's words were slurred and her eyes were glassy. "I've," she looked down, dropped her hand from Maura's warmth, and leaned against the bar in one seemingly fluid move. "I've missed you, Maura. I...I don't want to miss out on anymore. I want my best friend back. I know it won't be easy, but I—I can get used to—I can get use to you being with him."

Jane studied Maura's features and her voice softened as her chin dropped to her chest. " He's my brother, Maur. I never imagined you two...that you would...that he...I thought I would come back and..." She sucked in a steadying breath and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, the tattoo once again flashing for Maura to see. "I'll learn to accept that you're with Frankie."

Maura smiled sadly at her best friend before placing her hand on Jane's bicep and letting it slowly drop to her hand, which she gently squeezed. "Thank you, Jane. It means a lot to me that you can say that, but Frankie and I—we aren't a couple. Well, not in the traditional sense."

"Wha—what are you saying? I saw you hug and kiss." Maura tugged Jane's hand and pulled her back to the booth.

They had barely landed back in the booth when the waitress appeared with two cups of steaming coffee. "I thought you guys could use these."

"Jane." Maura's voice was tender and low. "Jane, look at me, please." When Jane finally looked at the blonde, Maura decided to share her story. "You know that I've always had terrible luck with men. I just attract the wrong kind of man."

Jane gave a knowing snort. "That's a bit of an understatement, Doc."

"While you were...away...with Casey, I began dating men on a more regular basis. One of these men was, well, a regrettable mistake. Brandan McDowell. Oh, he was gorgeous, successful, wealthy, and ran in all of the right social circles. We dated seriously for only a few months before something...happened."

The dark maned detective suddenly sobered up and was completely focused on the medical examiner in front of her.

"I began to receive threatening messages. At first, it was the common _I'm watching you_ and then photos of Brandan and I began to show up with more aggressive and threatening messages. It all became too much for Brandan, who didn't want his life examined as closely as Frost, Korsak, and Frankie deemed necessary to determine from whom the threats were coming. Needless to say, even after he ended things and ceased all contact with me, the threats continued."

"What did the background search turn up on Mister Perfect?" Jane asked sarcastically. She was beginning to understand that perhaps what she had witnessed that morning was nothing more than a ruse meant to protect Maura.

"Not much, I'm afraid. It seems as Brandan has a squeaky clean record—not even a parking violation," Maura answered.

"No one is squeaky clean. Did Frost work his sci-fi-techy-interweb magic on the computer?"

Maura sighed, "Of course he did, but there was, nothing to be found."

"So tell me what they did find. The only reason Frankie would have moved in with you to play house was if they felt there was an obvious and legitimate threat. And why didn't Ma, at the very least, tell me what was going on?"

"I asked her not to, Jane." Mara held the now cool mug of coffee between her hands. "Although we haven't talked, Jane, I was well aware of some of what you were going through. Your mother, when she didn't feel like she was betraying your confidence, would share some of the details about what was happening in your life. I didn't know everything, but I knew enough to know that you marriage was in trouble and that you needed to focus on salvaging that and not on saving me." Maura paused and looked toward the bar to avoid looking at Jane. Her voice almost to a whisper, "Besides, there was nothing you could do."

Maura cleared her throat and stiffened. "What they found was NOTHING, Jane. Absolutely nothing. At first, we were suspicious of Paddy or some other mob gangster type but none of that seemed likely upon further investigation. Frost, Korsak, and Frankie have pursued every avenue. The threats have continued, but in the last few weeks they've come more frequently and have become more violent in their nature. Frost and Korsak disagree, but Frankie and I have postulated a theory."

Jane perked up and smiled. "Maura Isles! Have you started guessing?"

In aghast horror Maura's hands flew defensively to her chest. "What? NO! A theory. I postulated a theory. That is not a guess. In fact, Jane, I think you might be surprised to hear my theory.

Jane nodded and motioned for her to continue. "Go ahead. Let's hear what Inspector Googlemouth has come up with."

Maura smiled, having missed the playful banter and endearing names Jane oft ascribed to her. "I believe I have a stalker."

"Well, duh, Maura. I think that's pretty obvious," Jane rolled her eyes having expected some elaborate theory on the part of the medical examiner.

"I wasn't done. I believe I have a female stalker," Maura put her hands up as Jane rolled her eyes in surprise again. "Hear me out. Korsak and Frost have poo-pooed my idea enough and part of me believes that Frankie is only indulging me to make your mother feel better. I believe I have made some connection with a random woman and she has convinced herself that we are involved in a relationship...a lesbian relationship. I think a man may have stepped forward and made himself known by now, but a woman, as I suspect my stalker to be, would be more passive and send notes like the ones I have received."

Jane's eyes widened at the mention of Maura being involved in a lesbian relationship. "Have you? Have you become embroiled in some torrid lesbian love affair and just forgot to mention it, Maura?"

Maura removed her hands from the cup she'd been holding and slid her hands across the table, grasping Jane's wrist and turning it over. She ran her fingertips over the colored flesh. She finally looked up and into Jane's eyes again. "I recognize this design, Jane. It's a labrys, is it not?"

Jane merely nodded in agreement.

"Does this mean-?" Maura inquired.

"Why does it have to mean anything Maura? Things changed. A lot changed. I'm here now. I'm back. I just want to forget about everything from the last two years."

Maura gave her friend's hand a gentle squeeze. "Things have changed and brought you back home, Jane. Tell me about them. I don't want to," she let her thumb graze the tattoo again, "make any incorrect assumptions. So tell me—tell me the things now that you didn't think you could tell me then."

As the waitress freshened their mugs with coffee, Jane decided to share her story.

"Casey was...is...great. What happened between us, it was all about me and not him," Jane bit her bottom lip and pulled her hands back and into her lap. She looked down at the table, not wanting to see the judgment she feared in Maura's eyes when she revealed her secret. "I fucked up, Maur. I did the one thing I never thought I would be capable of doing."

"Jane. What did you do? Did you become a democrat?" Maura asked flatly.

"I see someone developed a sense of humor while I was gone," Jane gruffed. "No, Maura, I didn't go to the dark side. I did something much, much worse."

Jane's eyes finally met Maura's. She put her hands back on the table and began to rub at the scars on her palms.

"I cheated, Maur. And he found out. He found out in the worst possible way."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'em...**

**A/N: I guess reviews aren't as easy to come by as they once were :( Lots of follows and favorites, but reviews are nice as well :)**

"I cheated, Maur. And he found out. He found out in the worst possible way."

Words bubbled up in Maura, but she exercised self-control. She knew something catastrophic had happened between Casey and Jane, but she had never in a million years expected infidelity—especially on Jane's part.

Maura had always considered Jane the most faithful person she knew. She had to be in order to maintain a friendship with her in spite of all of her quirks and idiosyncrasies. How could she have cheated? Who could have gotten Jane to violate the sacred vows she had taken?

"Aren't you going to say anything? Tell me how I fucked I am? Tell me how disappointed you are with me? Jesus, Maur, just say something. Say something, please." Jane pleaded with her.

Maura breathed deeply and exhaled loudly. "I don't know what to say, Jane. It's not something I would have ever expected from you, but my limited experiences with close friends doesn't leave much for me to draw upon. It seems reasonable, however, that individuals, when placed in new and unique situations often succumb to pressures they might not otherwise be tempted by."

A single tear fell down Jane's face. This is not how she expected this conversation to go.

"Why are you crying?" Maura asked. "I didn't judge you, Jane. It happened. Every one makes mistakes." She could see that her remarks were not having a positive effect on Jane. The tears were flowing a bit more freely now.

Maura slid out of her seat and slid into the booth beside Jane. Hesitantly, she wrapped one arm around Jane's back and with the other, took Jane's hand in her own.

"If you expect me to sit here and berate you, it is not going to happen, Jane. I can tell you've already done a fine job of that on your own. Am I correct in assuming that this is why I haven't heard from you in ten months?"

Jane nodded her head. The tears had stopped, but she wasn't yet up to speaking. Sensing this, Maura continued. "You know, I often wondered what you were doing or where you were. I knew things were over with Casey and Angela said you were taking some time to yourself, but I couldn't help but wonder. Some nights, when I really wanted a glass of wine, I'd have a beer instead and as much as it pains me to admit it, occasionally I'd watch ESPN instead of a documentary because I knew if you were near a television, that's what you were probably doing, too. You don't have to tell me everything all at once, Jane, but I would like for you to feel as if you can share what happened with me. It might be cathartic for you. And you know I love you too much to judge you."

Jane's fingers squeezed hers and she cleared her throat, "I need to tell you because, well, I need you to understand, Maur. I need you to understand what's taken me almost two years to realize. If I'm going to tell you, and I am, then I need you to listen. If I stop, I don't know that I'll have the courage to try again. And right now, the liquid courage that I have is wearing off. So, here goes."

Maura's hand began to rub small circles between her shoulder blades. Jane hummed before looking into her eyes. "You're going to have to stop doing that. I can't think with you doing that." When Maura stopped and released her grasp on Jane's hand, Jane flexed her fingers and tightened her grip, refusing to let Maura pull away. "No, this hand stays."

"We had been in California for a couple of months. Casey was working constantly and the only time we spent together was at night. It was okay—at first. I've always been okay being on my own, but I always had my job to throw myself into. Casey didn't want me to work at first. He wanted us to have some time to just be married to each other. I agreed. I agreed because that's what he wanted and not what I wanted. I was trying to be the good wife that Casey expected. The good wife that Ma said I should be. The good wife that you said I'd make."

Jane stopped talking and just stared ahead at the empty seat opposite her. "When the loneliness became too much, I would go for a run. I was in the best shape of my life, Maur." Jane laughed and ran her free hand through her shortened locks. "It was on one of these jogs that I ran into Jordan." A sad smiled fell across Jane's face and did not go unnoticed by Maura. "We had a lot in common. Both of us were newlyweds, and like me she had married into the Army. She was a nurse at a local hospital and her husband was military, but he had been deployed."

Maura smiled and in spite of her silent promise to Jane said, "I'm glad you found a friend, Jane."

"No interruptions, Maur. This is difficult for me. Our friendship grew and I found myself spending more and more time with her. Maur, I had no idea then. I really didn't. Before I had realized what was happening, she was as much, if not more, a part of my life as Casey. We had dinner together. I found myself showing up at the hospital to have lunch with her" Jane's voice softened and the next thing she said was almost in a whisper, "Every minute I had that I didn't spend in bed beside Casey was spent at her side—with her."

Maura was taking in everything that Jane was telling her and realized that before Jane had eloped with Casey, that is exactly how someone would have described their relationship. She got caught up in thinking about what Jane was telling her and missed part of the story.

"...and that's when things changed. It started out as simple, lingering touches. Before long, we found ourselves kissing. The first time that happened, we stopped seeing each other for a week. It was just too much. I was married to Casey. I had sworn to be faithful to him. I already felt like I was cheating when I marr..." Jane stopped talking and looked at Maura. She had felt her eyes on her the entire she was talking, but needed to look at her to ground herself so that she could finish the story. "We agreed that if we were going to be friends, it had to be purely platonic. No more kissing. No more touching."

Jane looked away from Maura. She didn't want to see how she looked at her when she admitted what happened next. "It lasted all of two weeks. Two weeks of long, lingering, lusty looks before we fell in bed together, Maur. It was the best and worst sexual experience of my life. I never knew that it could be...that it could be so tender and soft. There was this..."

"...connection," whispered Maura.

"Yeah, a connection," Jane smiled and then, realizing the way Maura was looking at her when she said that, frowned. Was Maura merely completing her thought or was she thinking about the connection that they, too, had shared?

"Casey was gone all the time. I was alone. I...I realized I had made a mistake marrying Casey. I loved him. You know I loved him, right?" When Maura nodded in agreement, Jane continued, "I don't want to be one of those women who say _I loved him but I wasn't in love with him_. Fuck, Maur, we had barely spent any time together. What the hell was I thinking? Why did I think marrying him would be different from dating him?"

Maura just looked and Jane, uncertain as to whether or not she should say anything. When it became clear that Jane was expecting her to say something, anything really, she spoke up. "Jane, it is of little use to beat yourself up over this now. It's over. You learned from it. But if you really want my opinion, something I regret not being completely honest with you about before the elopement, I think you were in love with the idea of being in love and finally being settled with someone. Angela was constantly harassing you about that and some part of you succumbed to the pressure and settled for Casey." Maura's hand began to rub those circles on Jane's back again, distracting her to the point that she almost missed the next thing Maura said. "I'm sure there's someone out there who you will love as much as they love you. Someone you don't have to try to be married to, who it just feels natural and complete to be with and like a huge piece of you is missing when you're not with."

Without thinking, Jane blurted out, "He caught us in bed. In our bed. His and mine. He came home early. I just keep thinking about all the times I asked him if he could come home early so that we could go out and he said no. And the one time—the first and only time—I bet on him NOT coming home early, he does."

Maura's eyes closed as she tried to imagine how hurt and horrified Casey must have felt when he found his wife—his Jane—in bed with someone else. Especially when that someone else was a woman. When her eyes opened, she said the first thing that came to her mind, "I imagine it was painful for Casey to discover the person he loved-."

"Don't you dare finish that thought, Maura Isles. The last thing I want is you thinking about what Jordan and I did. Or how Casey felt about it." Jane thought for a minute before turning toward Maura. "Do you really have to _imagine_ how it felt? Casey, well, he always assumed that we—you and I-"

Jane stopped, forcing Maura and herself to sit in what was a first for them, uncomfortable silence.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'em...**

"Don't you dare finish that thought, Maura Isles. The last thing I want is you thinking about what Jordan and I did. Or how Casey felt about it." Jane thought for a minute before turning toward Maura. "Do you really have to _imagine_ how it felt? Casey, well, he always assumed that we—you and I-"

Jane stopped, forcing Maura and herself to sit in what was a first for them, uncomfortable silence.

Finally, frowning as she struggled to understand the importance of the words Jane last said, Maura asked, "Jane? What did he assume that we...had...done?"

Jane placed her hands on the table and dropped her forehead onto them. She mumbled against the table, "Seriously, Maur? You can't put two and two together and figure out what he thought—what he assumed—we had done?"

She felt Maura shift in the booth beside her, her hands-the one hand that had been on her back and the other, that had fallen to her thigh when she dropped it—leave her. She knew without looking that Maura's hands were now on the table and that the ME was thinking and trying to figure out exactly what Casey had assumed about their relationship. When the silence had stretched on much too long for Jane's comfort she blurted out, "He thought we were fuck buddies, Maur."

"Language, Jane! And must you be so crude? I mean, really? There are far more mature and more appropriate ways to say that. Perhaps friends with benefits?"

"Aaargh," Jane croaked out before sitting up and turning her body to face Maura. "It doesn't matter what it's called, Maura. The fact that he thought we were fucking each other—even while he and I were dating—says a lot about him and what he thought of my relationship with him."

"Many people are polyamorous prior to marriage. Your relationship with Casey was such that you were apart more than you were together. You have to admit that it is understandable that he would assume you might seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere. Given your work schedule, our closeness, and a relationship that you yourself have described that as beyond the scope of normal best friends, it is only logical that he would arrive at that conclusion. After all, I am attractive, intelligent, successful, discreet, and well versed in the human body."

The self-assured smile that balanced smoothly on Maura's face amused Jane. "So, because you're attractive, intelligent, successful, discreet, and would know exactly what to do to get me off, I would have cheated on Casey with you?"

An embarrassed blush colored Maura's cheeks, "Well, perhaps I was being a bit presumptuous."

"That's what I'm saying," Jane agreed.

"I'm sure I wouldn't know exactly what would," and Maura did the air quotes with her fingers as she uttered the next few words, "get you off." Jane groaned, but Maura continued. "Being a woman, I would be more likely, if you will, to be successful in bringing you to la petite mort—and more than once."

Jane ran her fingers through her head. "It doesn't matter how many pedicures-"

"La petite mort means-"

"I KNOW what it is and what it means, Maura. Believe it or not, you're not the only person who knows...who knows STUFF. Both you and Casey think I'm so stupid. Poor little Janie from Boston has never been anywhere or done anything out in the world! You with your degrees and money and him with his bars and stripes and uniforms. I don't know why either of you ever even bothered with me."

"Jane, I didn't mean-"

"No, you didn't, Maura. You never do. You don't have to mean to in order to make it sound like I'm stupid. No, I didn't go to college and I haven't traveled the world like you, but I know stuff. I read. I watch television," Jane blew a frustrated long breath from her body and suddenly scooted toward Maura. "Move. I need to go."

Maura grabbed the table and steeled her body against Jane. "No. You're not running away this time, Jane."

"Maura, so help me, if you don't move..."

"What are you going to do Jane? Are you going to push me from the booth to the floor in a very crowded and very public place?" Maura watched Jane look around the establishment and internally debate what she should do. "I didn't think so. You're angry and I understand that. What I don't understand is why your anger is directed at me. I haven't seen you in almost two years and I haven't spoken to you in almost a year—and those were your decisions. And since that's the case, I can't fathom what I might have done to deserve to have your anger directed at me. So, please, educate me." Maura's demeanor had gone from 'friend Maura' to 'professional Dr. Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner for the State of Massachusetts' so quickly that Jane found herself off-kilter.

Her voice faltered when she tried to speak, "I can—I can't do this. Not now. Not here. I thought I was ready. I thought it would help. But seeing you and talking about this. I'm not." Her hands were trembling and her eyes began to dart around the room frantically, as if searching for a way out.

Maura noted the perspiration forming on Jane's brow and the flushed color working its way down her neck toward her chest. Jane's respiration rate had increased and Maura hypothesized that her heart rate had as well. "Jane, you need to calm down. You're in the midst of a panic attack." She took Jane's hand in her own and placed the other on her back. "Deep, slow breaths. Breathe in through your nose. Exhale through your mouth. Breathe in. Exhale. That's a good girl."

She allowed Jane the opportunity to focus on her breathing before speaking again. "I think you're right, Jane. This is neither the time nor the place to do this. Come home with me."

Jane's eyes shimmered with panic as she quickly looked up at Maura. "Now, now. Hear me out. You've only just returned from wherever it is that you have been. I sincerely doubt that you want to stay with Angela since she and Sean-"

"Stop right there. Don't ever mention Ma and him to me, especially with such a lecherous look on your face. I may know that they're doing the deed, but I don't need to KNOW that they're doing it, okay? She's still my Ma and I still consider him my boss."

Maura smiled softly. Despite the conversation they had been having earlier about the affair that ended her marriage, Jane was still very much a prude when it came to sex "You won't stay with Tommy and Frankie, well, he's living with me now so staying with him isn't an option."

"There's Frost and Korsak," Jane offered as alternatives.

"Those really aren't options either, Jane," Maura said as she stood. "Frankie can stay on the couch and you can have the guest room. I'm sure he won't mind," just as Jane went to offer yet another protestation Maura smiled broadly, "Good. It's settled. You'll stay with us, er, me."

As they walked out of the bar, Jane was pulling on her jacket and couldn't help but ask, "So, eh, Frankie sleeps in the guest room?"

"Yes. You didn't think he slept with me, did you?" Maura watched the emotions play across Jane's face. "Oh Jane!" She laughed uproariously. "There's only ever been room in my bed for one Rizzoli."

Jane was stunned into a silent stupor as Maura walked briskly toward her car.


End file.
